I am superwoman or so I come to think of myself. I am physically and mentally invincible. I don't know pain or weakness. Giving up is not an option!! There is nothing that I can't do. I don't know a black woman that I have come across who doesn't see themselves in this light. Being a black woman I was raised to be this independent, strong willed, self sufficient, robot. Yes, you read it correctly "ROBOT". I was reared in a single parent household (until I was about 9 or 10) and visually saw my mom work come home help us do our homework, cook, clean, take care of her children, her siblings, and other family members, all of this without a single complaint. At times I felt she was super human, she spread herself so thin that she rarely made or had any time for herself. Growing up in that environment it is almost certain that you will adopt the same mentality. So the cycle begins.... My question is this mentality part of the reason why black women have a hard time finding a good man?
Generally in white and non-black households figuratively speaking you see father, mother, and children. The order of the house is as such, father-the provider, mother-the nurturer generally she stays at home. While at home she tends to the children and husbands needs. The mothers of the household generally know their "place" and aren't afraid to hold down the fort. They are happy to be at home raising the children. Household duties such as; assisting with homework, child rearing, and cooking are generally done by the time "daddy's" home. They still have time to press and iron daddy's work close, run bath water, offer a pep talk or be a listening ear if needed, and cap it all off with a back massage or foot rub if necessary. They stroke their husbands ego and make him feel important and needed. To most black women the later "ain't" going to happen. Stoke his ego and rub his what. Oh HELL NAW.....If anything we need our feet rubbed, bath water made, and ego stroked. I give you this history to say this most black households do not fit this cookie cutter mold. We as black women have to do the work of both parents in our current situations. Does that make it hard for us to find the love we want and need? Does this mentality push real men away?
We perpetuate this "never ending" cycle. We learn out of necessity to emasculate our black men and some of them we turn into dependent BABIES. They come to expect us to do all of this because they were children too raised by single mothers who did everything without complaint. Because of this cycle they don't know what their position is on the team. They see us and we are all over the field. At times I feel that we don't know how to be just women.. We don't know when we should just fall back, when we do find Mr. Right someone with potential. White women and other "non-black" women have time to play their positions and get comfortable doing just that. Once they get into a relationship with a black man they see his potential or look pass his laziness. They support and love him as if he were "God's" gift to the world. They learn to humble themselves which is something that is not instinctive to us. We actually have to LEARN to fall back. I know ladies this is definitely a hard pill to swallow. Fall back what? We as black women generally frown on this position. We are so scared and damaged. Falling back means to be submissive and could lead to us failing and this we know is not an option. WE CAN'T TAKE THAT CHANCE. So what do we do, we continue on this rollercoaster ride.
CHALLENGE: Learn to let go!! Take a moment or two and reflect on your upbringing, discover the pitfalls they may have placed in your way to finding healthy happy relationships. Once we figure out where they are coming from we can learn to grow.
