Is this Love

Is this love is this love that I am feeling.....I was recently having a discussion about what I am looking for in my current relationship. I have been told on several occasion how my idea of romance in a relationship is fairytale it doesn't exist in the real world. Since this wasn't my first time hearing this I brushed it off and agreed that I may have unrealistic expectations of how things should be. But for some reason this time something in me would not allow my feelings to rest.  I mentally had to revisit why I had those thoughts or ideals about romance or love in the first place.  Hence my journey has begun.

I started off by taking a look at the people around me and questioning them about their relationships past and present.  I wanted to find out where their ideals of relationship specificially male and female roles and how romance itself is manifested within them.  Another factor I looked at was family history.  If their parents were still together if so how was it shown with them.  If there parents were not together I wanted to know whether or not they had any positive relationship around them that they learned from.  I know you cannot base you relationship on someone else's, I wanted to see if I was the only one with these "unrealistic" fantasy ideas.

My ah ha moment came when I was discussing this with my bestie CMooreAngelz (please follow her to).....
As children we both grew up in a single parent households. And for me even when my mom was dating someone I never saw her with them. Because of her fear that they would hurt us she kept that part of her life secret.  And when it came to the other women in my family. Their relationships with men were violent and unproductive. It wasn't until I was about 9 or 10 when my mom met my stepdad. Thats when I finally saw how male and females interact with each other. Even my uncle was a "player".  So I turned to televison, movies and sometimes music to gain knowledge on relationships and romance.  Looking back on things although my mom tried to keep men away from us for fear they would hurt us. I I know now that in doing so we became relationship handicapped.  Think about this for a minute.  We became relationship handicapped.  This can create a multitude of problems which we discuss in future blogs.

No challege just think and absorb this blog!

Whats your purpose?

By definition purpose is the reason for which something exist or which has been done or made.  Finding you purpose is definitely a major part of  your journey through life.  Your purpose is the driving force that keeps you going.  It wakes you up in the morning and keeps you amp'ed and motivated through out your day.   Just think figuring out your purpose is a tough task.  It ultimately leads to what impact or imprint "you" have made or will make on the world.
Have you ever really sat down and asked yourself what mark or difference you want to make on this wonderful, beautiful, extraordinary world we live in.  Right now as you sit here reading this blog if by some act of God, you don't make it through the day how will you like to be remembered.  Have you lived a purposeful life.  Think about this a minute.  I am asking you have you lived your life on purpose.  I know thats deep and may have went over your head but stay with me.  If your anything like me and most people i know we all have aspirations to live our lives with purpose.  So with this thought we have to figure out who we are and whose lives we want to impact.  What legacy would you like to leave?  When we start to accept this responsibility and start to live on purpose your life the world around you will begin to change.  You start to shift into overdrive.  Thirsting for more knowledge of who you are.  With this new found knowledge most people want to make a huge impact immediately.  We need to understand the world was not created in one day.  There was a process.  Some of us even have the crazy notion that we may become the "1st Black President" oops my bad Yeah Obama.!
Start small....it all begins with changing how we think.  This directly impacts our family, then our community, our city, state, country, other countries and ultimately the world.

Today's challenge:  Check out this link: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Discover-Your-Purpose-Robert-Holden/1

Be Still

When was the last time you took a moment to stop and smell the roses or as the church folk say a moment to "Be Still".  Have you ever in the middle shear terror just stopped to find the beauty in the world around you.  In the world that we live in today everyone is caught in the hussle and bussle.  I have this meeting at 9, I have to pick up the children by 6, basketball practice or piano lessons start at 7:30.  Darn, its already 11 pm, where did the time go.  I really need to hit the sack.
Personally my life has become so stressful and routine that I forget what month, day, or year it is.  As women we take on so many different roles and we wear so many different hats that we lose site of whats important.  Us.  Our duties all seem to benefit someone or something else.  Now more than ever we need to take a moment or two to replenish ourselves and "Be Still".  Whether it be taking a walk outside or sitting by the window with a glass of wine or hot chocolate.
If we are going to continue to be everything to/for everybody else we need to take time to love and appreciate ourselves.  Just think we can truly learn a lot in those breif moments of solitude. It's a humbling expereince.  One day we are going to wake up and all of this maybe gone.  Honestly it seemed like just yesterday my oldest was 2 and now I wake up and she is 11 and my third child is 2. 

Todays challenge:  Sit by a window quietly and look out at the world.  Take 3 cleansing breathes.  Allow nature to tell you a story.  Say thank you to the universe for such a beautiful and aw inspiring gift.

Karma Jar

I am a firm believer in Karma.  It seems like my negative Karma turnaround time is instantaneous.  As soon as I have a bad thought or react out of character to a situation my Karmic (if that’s a word) meter goes off and I feel the wrath of the Karma God.  Recently I had a conversation with a co-worker of mine and we were discussing what role if any does Karma play in our lives.  She like me believes in Karma and she gave me the most wonderful suggestion.  The idea was so brilliant that I told her I would share it with everyone I know.  So here we go I know most people have heard of a swear jar.  For all those folk who have been hiding underneath a rock a swear jar is a sacred place that you put a penny, nickel, dollar, or dime in if you happen to say a curse word or something profane.  I had one and it lasted about a week.

The Karma jar is similar but it doesn't involve you shelling out any of your hard earned cash.  Yeah! The idea is simply this, if you are anything like me when you have a bad day you need, want, and have to tell somebody.  You just got to vent.  So instead of calling your bestie or sister and scream at them you simply write down your problem or concern and place it in your Karma jar.  Look how simply this is.  I now carry a pen and paper in my purse at all time.  If you don't have paper readily available use a tissue, gum wrapper, or maybe and old receipt.....Find something!! 

There really is no excuse for you not to be able to write these thoughts, feelings, or emotions down.  To store these feelings, emotions, etc. you can use a jar, zip lock bag, the envelope system whatever. I will be using a piggy bank that I received from my job.  It looks like a devil which is so appropriate since it will be the bearer of all my karmatic pain.

Now once your jar is full or maybe it’s the end of the week you need to find a way to rid yourself of the bad Karma you have accumulated.  I think for all the hell you been through you deserve to throw yourself some type of release party or find some special way to release this stuff.  This is not to say that you can't vent anymore.  In our minds I know when we vent we are simply doing the same thing.  It is a truly therapeutic feeling to just have someone to listen to you and feel your pain.  Just having some one get where you are coming is a relief.  We also have to look at the flip side of that same coin.  The person on the other end has to digest what you are venting to them.  So although you don't see the affect it has on them you should know it does affect them in some way.  In the essence of defining ourselves we need to release the negative energy within us and hopeful make way for more positive and productive energy to flow in.

Todays challenge:  Create yourself your own personal Karma jar.  Tell a friend or give that person who vents to you a Karma jar as a gift.

New Year....New Lifestyle Change!

New Year, New me!  Ok yeah right.  How many times have we said this?  How long do we keep these resolutions.  Two weeks at the most.  Then again if we are really good we might even make the 1 month mark.  As a society we need to make more lifestyle changes.   Not resolutions that don't last long.  We make these committments to ourselves and for ourselves. Our intentions are good but the motivation behind them wavers.  We get distracted, discourage and busy.  When all this happens we tend to lose site of what and who is most important..... 
Most of us spend 8 hours at work another 2 to 3 hours helping the children with their homework and cooking dinner..  The crazy thing is that our day doesn't end when we put the children to bed, we still if we are married have to perform our wifely duties, oh i didn't forget all my single ladies who are married to their jobs or school.  The point I am making here is that we spend so much time doing and being so much to everyone and everything else that when it comes to the small committments/resolutions that we make on Jan. 1 for ourselves we can't even keep them. My resolution this year is to make a total life transformation.  I am going to take you all on my journey with me.  I use the term life change/transformation because I am making a more permanent change.  So hopefully with my word play I will take this more serious.  Case and point.  One of my changes that runs along the same line as defining myself is to be a sexer me.  My baby step in accomplishing this was to take all of my undies and toss them.  So I had to unfortunately say goodbye to all my granny panties.  No, I didn't have a funeral for them or host a bonfire.  I simply placed them in the trash can and walked away never to look back.  This may not be a great big leap but it forced me to act.  I had to go to the store and buy all new underwear which for me was long overdo but I had to do it and I am proud of myself.

Todays challenge:  Vow to make some lifestyle changes.  Take baby steps. Devise a plan and stick to it.  Remember the only person who suffers when you don't is you.