Attitude of Gratitude

Quote: “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.  It turns what we have into enough, and more.  It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.” –Melody Beattie

Song: Little Things by India Irie

Having an attitude of gratitude my New Years Resolution.  Its been said that if you give then you shall receive.  I feel that by nature I am a giver.  With that said, in the heat of the moment or when I seem to be on a downward spiral.  I often feel like I have nothing to give, so what’s the purpose.  How can you expect to be open to receive the blessings that await you if you aren’t grateful for the blessings you are currently receiving.  You have one life to live.   If you are blessed enough to take on this project you are already one step ahead of the game and for that alone you should be grateful.  You have the opportunity to live and see this day.  A day full of glory, progress, and change.

So your journal entry will be to make a gratitude list.  Take as many pages as you like.  Even writing on the back of the pages if you need more space.  For some of us our list may be 5 things but others 25.  Dig deep.  This journal entry has no end.  Keep adding to it as you grow and learn.  Always reflect back to it as time passes.   Now lets list our “Attitude for Gratitude” playlist.  Think about songs that inspire you to appreciate not only the world and people around you; but yourself also.  List the songs and why you feel the way you do when you are listening to them.  Listen to your playlist and recite your gratitude list at least once a week preferably on a Sunday so you can start the week off right.

Be Inspired

Inspiration

Quote: “Breathing in, I calm my body. Breathing out, I smile.  Dwelling in the present moment, I know this is a wonderful moment.” –Thich Nat Hanh

Song: Maxwell “Woman’s Work”

Inspiration can come from many things It could be a picture, a bird, a cloud, a tree, or even a song. The world is full of things that inspire. Take a moment to open your eyes and look for it. Take a nature walk if weather permits; if not, grab a seat and a hot totti and stare out the window. You might be surprised on what you uncover. So find something inspiring today.  Take a picture of it whether in your mind or with a camera.  Capture the moment and journal about your experience.  List your inspirational playlist and put your heart into it.  Describe how you feel about yourself when you hear those songs.  Now lets play relax your mind close your eyes and feel INSPIRED!!

I am the author of my story

Share your story

Quote: “When you stand and share your story in an empowering way, your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else.” –Iyanla Vanzant

Song:  We Fall Down Donnie McClurkin

I was recently introduced to Tony Robbins via Oprah.  Gotta love her.  In her piece on Mr. Robbins, who is a world famous motivational speaker he discusses how everyone’s life revolves around his or her story.  He discussed how the only thing keeping us from getting what we want is the story we keep telling ourselves about why it can't happen.

My un-humble beginnings started just like most of you.  It seemed to begin with pain, poverty, misfortune, and lack of, added with molestation, insecurity and no father in the household.  I am now realizing things don't have to end that way.  Although those misfortunes were my beginnings they are by far not how I want my story to end.  I am the author of this book.  This is my story.  I always thought that because I grew up in a negative environment, it makes it that much harder to visualize myself in a different situation or my life ending up any different than others in my situation. I, like everyone else in the free world want bigger and better for myself but because of my upbringing I place limits on my abilities and myself.

You know now that you are the author of your own destiny.  Now its time to take control and write out how we want our story to play itself out.  How do you want this story to read?  Will it read like a drama, or maybe you are more of the comedy type of person, then again if your anything like me you want it be a romantic comedy filled with action a little drama but a lesson to be learned at the end.   The Journal entry for today is to write out your story.   Be as detailed as possible.  Thank God for the gift of being the author of your own story.  What would your story sound like if you had to put it to music?  List your ideal playlist describing how the songs relate to your situation and how you feel listening to them.

Flaws and All

Quote:  "My imperfect stuff makes me Unique."  –Chowan Moore Aforo

Song: Ledisi Pieces of Me

God, grant me the serenity to

Accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference

In life we all strive to be perfect. Whenever we notice a flaw or area of lack in our lives we focus all of our energy on correcting it. We don’t want to appear as though we have shortcomings. Sometimes we have said or know people who say, “I’m so absent-minded” or “I am horrible with organizing things”. Others may say, “My stomach and butt are just too big.” When we do this, we are needlessly exposing our infirmities and/or weaknesses. Instead, we need to keep those thoughts a secret and only broadcast our strengths, triumphs, and favorable attributes that we won’t mind hearing later in life when people inevitably talk about us. In other words, we should try not to bring so much attention to the negative but put a spotlight on the positive. We need to embrace our flaws because they are a part of us and they make us who we are. Take time today to write down the areas of your life you consider to be flawed. Leave space after each flaw you identify. On the line immediately following the flaw forgive yourself for feeling that way. Next, write down what you have learned about yourself as a result of having such a ‘flaw’. In conclusion, tell Yourself how much you love YOU—despite the flaws and all.  You know it’s playlist time.  So what soundtrack do you play that helps you understand why you are imperfectly perfect.  Why did you choose these songs?  My ideal playlist would include:

1. Beautiful- Musiq:  The song just makes me feel beautiful.  Could you imagine how you would feel if he were to serenade you with this song.  Look at the word play…”Girl don’t you know your so beautiful I want to give all my love to you girl.  Not just tonight but the rest of your life I want to be always here by your side….” This takes my breath away every time.
2. Flaws and All- Beyoncé:  Well this one is pretty self explanatory
3. I Feel Beautiful- Fantasia:  Everyone has had instances where someone or something has made you feel unattractive or small.  In this song she reclaims her power and beauty.   And if the words don’t get you the ending will have you almost to tears.  She belts out with very little music “nothing you can say to me ‘cause I feel beautiful!”  Hell yeah Fannie I do too.
4. Bravo- Ledisi:  As you can tell Ledisi is my go to girl.  She gives you permission to “Clap for yourself” and why shouldn’t we.  Do this daily.
5. Rocking that Thang- The-Dream:  Ok this one was for fun!  Seriously, when this song comes on you can’t help but dance and sing.  No matter what you got going on, you are compelled to move.

Live Life to the Fullest

Canon T3i 18.0MP Digital SLR Camera with 18-55mm IS Lens - Digital (Google Affiliate Ad)
After Passious completed #8 on her bucket list today I must say I personally felt a bit left out and behind the times. There's no one to blame but myself for putting things off so much and considering  everything else to be of the utmost importance. The more I listened to her discuss her experience I started to wonder why I only had three items on my own list. I felt like people would judge me or make jokes or silly comments based on what I had on my list. I can't worry about what other people will or won't say, and besides- my list ain't so bad!

Starting where I left off:

4. Record a song with Nas and Damien Marley
5. Write speeches for President Obama and the First Lady
6. Smack the hell out of Flavor Flav
7. Run naked on the beach....at night
8. Wear a new outfit every day for six months
9. Sing a solo in my church choir- Fairfield Baptist Church in Auburn, GA
10. Literally 'give back' to the people who made a difference in my life.
11. Visit my adoptive parents Dr. Yaw Owusu and Ms. Abeena Owusu in Accra, Ghana
12. Create and maintain a social services  program for women and children in Freetown Sierra Leone
13. Create a scholarship fund for minority women to attend school at Florida State University which would include housing, living expenses, and transportation accommodations
14. Have my own talk show
15. Spend a month in Jamaica overdosing on rest and relaxation
16. Be a guest DJ on V-103 in Atlanta
17. Be a recipient of an award on BET's Black Girls Rock!
18. Create my own clothing line
19. Be a news reporter on CNN (like Soledad O'Brien)
20. Take a tour of Africa
21. Go backpacking through Europe
22. Be a vegetarian
23. Confront the people who have hurt me and let them know that I forgive them.
24. Go to a Broadway show
25. Act in a Wayans brothers production...sitcom...movie....
26. Perform a duet with Lenny Kravitz
27. Create a children's book series
28. Produce children's cartoons for Nickelodeon and Disney
29. Lock my hair and dye it any color other than black
30. Marry my Soulmate

Live Life Pashunately

Lately Chowan and I have really been trying to discover what it means to really "live" your life.  You only get one shot at this so why not "live" a little.  Make it count!  If you had nothing holding you back I mean nothing no financial stress, mental stress, children, etc.  What would you do?  So now that you are clear on what you want to do, how do we make it happen?  Like everything we encounter it all starts with a thought, a clear concise vision or image of what you want to accomplish.  The universe has a way of clearing your path and making it happen on your behave.  So we strongly encourage everyone to start their bucket list asap.  Speaking of bucket list I actually have complete #8.  I can mark Pole Dancing Class off my list of to do's.  Follow us on Instagram to help track our progress.

Getting to the Next Level

We often discuss the feeling of stagnation as we go about our daily and weekly routines. It seems like it's so automatic to work, make decent money, pay our bills,  and realize that we still haven't carved out any time to live on purpose. Those bucket list items aren't going to get done by themselves. Our children have missed out on several 'golden opportunities' because life and financial obligations have gotten in the way. The reoccurring feelings seem to stem around the fact that some things have got to change. The million dollar question is now "How can we get the most out of life on our terms?" This means.....how can we create our own opportunities without standing in line waiting on someone to give us something? This reminds me of a conversation I had with someone a while back. With the unemployment rate being the way it is....you have hundreds of people standing in line for the same job at times and there may only be 10 openings. It seems like a hopeless feat and it can be very discouraging if you had high hopes of being chosen only to find out the employer hired from within the company and didn't bother to inform the people who waited for hours in the cold to submit their resume. Ultimately Passious and I also discussed how we have to orchestrate and formulate our own opportunities and our own Plan B just in case this job situation doesn't work itself out. My first reaction was...."It's hard out here!" At that very moment she had to redirect my thought pattern. She said if we keep saying it's hard, we are paving the way and setting up our future for more hard times. We have to speak life and victory into our situations and make it easy to have the income we want. We have to know, trust, and believe that it's easy to do what we've  always dreamed of doing. It's not too much to ask to be able to make the money we desire while living a fulfilled life and not having to always let the daycare provider and school teachers be the only ones enjoying the children. There is a way to have all of our needs met and still be happy-- somebody's doing it, and that somebody can and will be you and me.

The first step is in changing or shifting your point of view and your outlook on the situation you are currently in. Even though things aren't currently the way we may want them to be there is no harm in visualization. Visualize yourself in the moment in which you have achieved your wildest and most amazing dream! I love to do that several times a day. Especially when I have allowed thoughts of doubt, lack, and despair to creep into my mind and marinate. The more I am in constant pursuit of the way I want things to be, the more I feel empowered and reassured that my life is not over or doomed because I'm unemployed or soon to be divorced with children. I open myself to the infinite possibilities and know that there is Hope! We have the power to turn our situations around but we have to believe in ourselves a lot more and stop doubting our own capabilities to be GREAT!

This was based on a lengthy conversation between Passious and I and we always have moments where we converse to vent but by the end of our talk we offer solutions to keep one another uplifted. All is not lost! We still have Hope....nobody can take that away! The economy may be a certain way at the moment but who cares! There's a certain level of personal responsibility that we all must take to create the life we want to lead. Meditate, Pray, Focus, Soul Search, and don't let anyone put a stop to your dreams and your Potential. We believe that only you can can know what's best for you and your situation so You have to come up with a master plan for your life to make it easier.

We welcome feedback because we don't have all of the answers. We both know that you have to start somewhere and it has to start in the mind.

My sincere goal is to help myself and others live a life that is Better, Brighter, and Blessed!

Chowan Moore Aforo
Connected By Hope

A Letter to the Broken Hearted

When was the last time you did a price check?

I mean, when was the last time that you really took into consideration your worth, especially when it comes to the ones you love. What type of value do others place on the love that you freely give? 

Are you someone who stays in a relationship nursing a broken heart because the one you love also shares their love with another? Or are you waiting for the day that they finally realize you’re worth more than a few phone calls or a couple of stolen nights? 

Excuse the rant. I’m just fresh off the heels of discovering my own worth. So many people, especially women are afraid of being single that they end up accepting whatever form of love people are willing to give. The sad part is, some men are aware of this fact and tend to come with the attitude that if you don’t take their love the way they give it then someone else will. These are men who don’t see you’re full worth because the market of love has become saturated with broken-hearted people.

 Here’s how you can tell if you’re broken. 

• Do you always pick the wrong type of man?

• If you didn't support him with your money the way that you do, would he still hang around?

• Are you willing to share him with another? With his wife?

• Do you already know that he isn't fully invested in you, but still wait it out until the day that he is?

• Is the strongest card you have in your relational deck the sex card?

• Do you have the type of ‘arrangement’ that allows you to have casual sex with old boyfriends, husbands, or friends with assumedly no strings attached?

Please don’t lie to yourself. YOU ARE BROKEN.

Take yourself off of the market and give yourself time to become whole again before you end up breaking someone else. Take this time to invest in yourself so that the next time you offer your love you’ll know its full value before you give someone else the option to decide it for you. Until you know that you don’t have to put a price on something that was meant to be free. Until the next time a man or a woman offers their version of a broken love, and then has the audacity to put a hidden clause in the fine print telling you that you can take it or leave it, you are strong enough to say to them, ‘Thank you but no thank you. I require more of an investment. Get back to me when you can make the down payment.’

One of my favorite movies is The Joy Luck Club. In this movie there is a line when a mother asks her daughter who is fighting to hold together a marriage to a man who has declared she was no longer of value to him. “What you worth?” And it wasn’t until she was able to let go that not only did she discover her value but others were able to as well. The hardest part was letting go. Today I am asking you. What are you worth? Think about this before you let someone else make the decision for you. 

-LaToya Knight     

Letter to My Younger Self

The song that perfectly fits my childhood is Runaway Love by Ludacris and Mary J. Blige. Every time I listen to the song or watch the video I picture myself. I owe it to my daughter to create a totally different life!

Dear Chowan:

I wish I had the strength, courage, and wisdom to turn this life around. I probably would have found a way to make a smile out of all those frowns. I wish I could have found a way to make sense of so much hurt and right all the wrongs you faced each and every day. I still remember how you used to lock yourself in the closet and hide under piles of clothes just so 'they' couldn't find you and couldn't hurt you anymore. Your love of literature and fictional characters has never changed. Your ability to get submerged in a good book was a way to soothe your pain. Through it all you kept smiling and never lost sight of your goal.....the goal to make it out your personal hell and never go back no mo'. You never stopped dreaming even though your spirit was crushed. You never stopped believing even when they said your best wasn't good enough. You proved countless people wrong when they said the apple didn't fall far from the tree. You kept hope alive and you blossomed into ME! I want to thank you for your perseverance and your belief in a brighter day. I admire your imagination and your ability to walk away. I can't help but acknowledge your ability to forgive and turn the other cheek....your grace and charisma, and your ability to stand up and speak. There were times when you smiled while crying inside. You held it together nicely while battling depression because of your parents deaths. There were days when nothing ever went your way but you never gave up. You held on and you stayed strong. You held on to the assurance that the world was bigger than your block, your city, and even your state. You always believed in love and the idea that failure was not a part of your inevitable fate. You always said 'failure is not an option' and you challenged yourself for ways to succeed. You have truly endured and paved the way for me to be ME.

I'm able to say that I'm still standing because I have a testimony that is still in progress. I had a rocky, tearful, painful, and interrupted childhood but I'm creating the happy ending that I would love to read about one day.

As with every post, I wish that everyone is Better, Brighter, and Blessed. Today I encourage everyone to write a letter to their younger self....soul search....dig deep.....discover what your dreams used to be before life took its toll....take back what the Devil stole!

Chowan Moore Aforo

Bucket List Continued.....

"It's not about living longer--it's about living better." -Dr. Oz

9. Sail along the Nile River and see the pyramids in Africa.
10. See an active volcano in Hawaii.
11. See Prince perform in concert.  If he sings "Adore" which is my all time favorite song I will be all to pieces.
12.  Learn to Ballroom Dance.
13.  Take my children on an Amtrak vacation.
14.  Go to Disneyworld.
15.  Go to the Essence Music Festival in New Orleans.
16.  Meet Susan Taylor.
17. Write and self-publish a book.
18.  Meet Nas.
19.  Go to a trip through California (visit Malibu, Los Angelos, San Diego)
20.  Go to Brazil.

Of course there is more to come.  I started off with a list of 20 and I am not at about 52.

Dealing With Grief

We recently attended the homegoing service for a parent of one of our dear friends. In a joking but truthful way we said to her..."welcome to the club" because we have both experienced the loss of a parent...(both parents in my case). We thought this would be a good time to examine the grieving process. We both acknowledge the fact that we do not have all the answers and we welcome feedback on this one. We feel like we have not allowed ourselves time to grieve. This is a true statement when I acknowledge the fact that I sometimes think about my parents and can't hold back the tears. I get angry about my relationships with men and make a direct correlation to the abandonment I felt when my father died. I encourage and console myself by saying that 'death is a part of life' but it's a wound that never quite heals. I have tried counseling but I never felt like the counselor could feel my pain. At age 9,  my father died and at 13 I was devastated by the death of my mother. Being a young child and coming to the realization that you are alone in this world is one of the worst feelings in the world and I wouldn't wish that type of suffering on my worst enemy.

Perhaps we didn't get our moments to grieve because we were being strong for others. Passious is the oldest of her 7 siblings and I felt like I had to appear strong for my grandmother who lost a child when my mom passed away. We both know that self destructive behaviors don't work. Drugs and alcohol are temporary fixes that soon fade and reality has a way of creeping back into the equation. One thing that has worked for me is to strengthen my mind and body. I turned to music to soothe me and take away the pain I felt. The song I really love is one of the songs the choir sang at the funeral we attended. It's entitled 'Order My Steps'. I want to live a life that is pleasing to my Creator. We all may give God a different name but I believe God does exist.

Primarily I had to accept the fact that my parents were deceased....not on vacation or just not answering my calls, but gone....to the point of no return. Next, I had to stop looking for someone or something to blame for the loss I encountered. It was nobody's fault, not even God's fault....death is a natural process that nobody has returned from to explain or discredit. I then had to decide if I wanted to keep living and make myself get over it or just end it all. The day I left the hospital after seeing my mother's lifeless body and touching her face which was still warm to the touch....I had the desire to run out in front of a gigantic truck but I quickly figured out that would be an awful way to go and I need to be as fine as I am now in the afterlife so I decided to write daily, listen to uplifting music, and try to figure things out along the way. I still have moments of depression but I try not to let that overpower my quest for a better way to live and get over the loss of loved ones.

To anyone who has lost someone, I encourage you to consider:

-Laughter is the best medicine

-Embrace the fact that you had so many great years with your parents and/or loved ones

-Let go of regrets and be glad the person is not alive and suffering daily

-Put together an awesome soundtrack and sing, cry, yell, throw something or do whatever works for you to release the pain you feel!

-Remember the good times and all the laughs you shared.

-Rely on family and friends to get you through.

-PRAY-Ask for the strength you need to get through the rough points that will undoubtedly arise.

My hope is that anyone and everyone reading this blog will be Better, Brighter, and Blessed!


Chowan Moore Aforo
Connected By Hope

Who I am.... Continued

As I got off the phone with my best friend-Passious....I felt like I was not myself. Our conversation was intense and lengthy and I had many thoughts swirling around inside this massive head of mine and I turned to my music to soothe and comfort me as I attempted to drift off into dreamland. I searched through my downloaded music to find 'my song'...there was so much to choose from but my first choice was In Due Time by Outkast and Cee-Lo. That song always seems to humble and remind me that things always tend to happen in due time...it may not be MY time but it seems to be God's time. One line in the song says 'struggling just a part of my day....many obstacles have been placed in my way' I feel like things can only get better but I have to do my part to make things the way I want them to be. Perhaps some people put all of their trust in a higher force and literally wait for things to happen. I feel that I leave no stone unturned and I do my part to aid or speed up the process.

Another song that I have often used to describe me is Sade's King of Sorrow. Some of my closest friends think Sade is depressing and now that I'm writing this blog....I agree....the song makes me feel like as a social worker and a caring person, I take on waaaaay too much drama and sadness and somehow make it my own. I find myself feeling like nothing I do will make my world and the world of those around me any better. I must note that these feelings arise when I listen to these songs so I will be deleting and updating now that I notice a trend! Also, I realized that each conversation I have with others makes me realize how I do and don't want to be. I want to be happy and stress free and I want to be financially obese.

The last song I can use to describe me at the moment is a song by Nas and Damien Marley entitled Patience. I realize that patience is a virtue and it's something I have to work on often. Patience with myself, those around me, and even those that I will never be able to help or "change". I listen to the song a lot and I gather different meanings each time I hear it. I need to be patient with ignorant people while hoping and praying that they will wake up one day. I have to be patient with a system that appears to be designed to assist some of our weakest citizens at failing! I have to be patient with the world around me and keep striving and plugging away hoping that changes will occur on so many levels.

Ledisi has a song called Bravo and it reminds me to clap for myself and celebrate my smallest victories which is what I try to take inventory and do at the end of each day. I make it my business to keep up an attitude of gratitude even when I complain...it's followed up with a look on the bright side. Overall, I have had a day of mixed emotions but I recognize my blessings and I am very fortunate for everything I have at this moment.

As we all continue to live and learn, I pray that everyone reading this blog is Better, Brighter, and Blessed.

Chowan Moore Aforo
Connected By Hope

Soundtrack of My Life

"No All-star Cast No Scripts No Budgets..... in the Soundtrack of My Life", this is one of my favorite song lines it's from a song called Soundtrack of My Life by Deemi.

As far as I can remember music has played a major role in my life.  To this day I have yet to be successful at journaling and creating vision boards.  But I can visualize my life in and through music.  Music has been my solace and comfort.  You can truly tell my mood by the music I am listening to at the time.  If I am listening to gospel I am searching for clarity and/or needing motivation.  If I am listening to Old school R&B which is my favorite genre of them all, I am usually cleaning my house and/or just reminiscing.  Now if you catch me listening to hip-hop I am truly in a party mode and you might even catch me dancing a little bit with my un-coordinated butt.

Since we all are on a journey to find ourselves.   Re-learning what makes us, us.  I thought a project my daughter came home from school with one day, would be a cool unconventional way to do something fun and learn about yourself in the process.  In the project she had to come up with a song that describes different aspects of her life.  It was so neat that I decided it would be something to try for myself.  So we are going to include this in our blog.  I will start this one off with one of the topics and my song of choice.  We will be sprinkling these topics and song choices throughout our blog.

Topic One:
Who you are?

"Pieces of Me"  Ledisi

The way she starts out the song, "People just don't know what i'm about, they haven't seen whats there behind my smile, There's so much more to me I am showing out......Pieces of Me".  The song almost brings me tears whenever I hear it.  The first line Wow, Need I say more.  Nope!  She pretty much summed it up for me.

I am a fairly young, beautiful black woman (30 is not the new 20).  Loving everything from my curly hair, to my thick hips and nicely proportioned booty, all the way to my Flintstone feet.  I am me love me or hate me it's not going to stop my shine.

What about you?  Find a song that describes who you are and journal it.  Revisit your journal entry and listen to the song as often as possible.   Play it and sing it Loud and Proud!!

"Everybody dies but not Everybody lives" -Drake

As our daily check-in began to warm up, it occurred to us that we have gotten into a routine of doing too much of the same thing all the time. Some of us just wake up, go to work, go home, eat, sleep, then do it all over again in the same order. That life gets really boring really fast. So we asked each other- where's the excitement? The adventure? The thrill? We couldn't find it so Passious decided that we have to create it! We have to start living, enjoying, and doing things. In order to live life 'pashunately' we have to serve as an example to others. The first step is aspiring to do more, be more, and see more. The world has so much to offer and everyone should partake in it. We have to be the ones to break the mold. I decided that instead of spending our 'extra money' on food, clothes, or getting ahead on bills-it would be nice to pay for some type of experience. An experience that would remain in our minds infinitely. We have both witnessed our mothers and grandmothers die without truly living and enjoying their time on Earth. We both vow to be different and make moves that the average person or even our younger selves might not have dreamed of doing.

To get the ball rolling I would like to share three things I immediately thought of and please believe there is so much more to come.
1. Be an exotic dancer
2. Be an award winning actress
3. Act as an Angel for a day giving random people money to help with necessary expenses.

Let me add my items to your list:
1. Go parasailing in the Bahamas
2. Go see the Hot Air Balloon Festival in Albuquerque, NM and hopeful ride one.
3. Do the Breast Cancer Walk in Virginia Beach next October.
4. Meet Oprah, Susan Taylor, and Tony Robbins.
5. Tell/Share my story with the world.
6. Be and inspiration to someone.
7. Take a cooking class.
8. Take pole dancing lessons. (I have over 20 items and will list them all throughout this blog)

Feel free to share your own lists with us! We would love to read the responses. Please instagram pictures of you completing the tasks.
As always....live Better, Brighter, and Blessed!
Chowan Moore Aforo and Passious Green

24 hour Pity Party

24 hour Pity Party



In life we are giving hardships.  In today's economy we are face with constant and consistent pitfalls.  The recession we are in is a prime example.  People are losing their jobs and homes at a growing rate.  At times it seems like we are facing more pain than joy.  At birth the universal sign of discomfort or dis satisfaction is to cry.  We cry at the first sign of pain or eminent danger.  Growing up some people continue with that same coping strategy to deal with everyday struggles.  As women it becomes second nature for us.  When we were children and we cried, our parents or guardians would come feed us, play with us, change us, etc.  Someone else would come to our rescue.  They would do their best to try to help us figure out the problem and work to find the solutions.

But now as adults we no longer have that person or people around us, guiding us through the process.  We have to learn to do things on our own.  Learning what to do after you cry is the skill set that separates the girls from the women.  This showcases how we resolve the conflicts and/or setbacks we encounter in life.

Simply put We work.  BEAST MODE NOW ACTIVATED!! Meaning we get off our Asses, dry up them tears, and find the solution ourselves.  Give yourself 24 hours to get right and that’s it.  Your life is now saying last call so its time to sober up and get moving.  What more will change if we keep crying?  How will the conflict be resolved?  If you recently lost your job and rent is due.  Hell Yeah!  Cry let it out!  But while your crying is you’re rent being paid or a job being found.  NO! So yes ladies and gentleman it is ok to cry and throw that pity party but just know that when its all said and done its up to you to decide where to go from there.

Affirmation: I just have to let go and allow the money to flow

I'm gonna say it each time I think about the lack of money and I will believe in my heart and mind that the money will begin to flow as soon as I let go of the perception and salty, sour attitude associated with NOT having it. Today I will channel my energy and thoughts on the feelings associated with seeing, holding, spending, and sharing All the money that is en route to my wallet and my bank account. From this day forward money is not elusive or merely a fleeting illusion that is beyond my grasp. We have to let go of the assumption that once we get the money life will change. My mindset is the visualization of what I am expecting has to first be imagined, felt, experienced and real in my mind and heart. After that is established then it will happen when it's least expected. No longer should we lose precious moments of sleep and relaxation fretting when all that is required is an attitude adjustment and a shift in our mind's eye or point of view.

Today is the day to Live Better, Shine Brighter and Know that You are Beyond Blessed.

PEACE.....Until the next blog.....
Chowan Moore Aforo

Purpose

Though sometimes we just don't understand.....I believe that there is some level of divine intervention taking place in my life at this time. I enjoy every encounter with a stranger as a chance to possibly entertain an angel! I love random acts of kindness bestowed upon me, and I find myself constantly saying a short sweet but necessary prayer for any and everyone I see. When I think about the road ahead I get scared because I can't see into the future but I'm excited because I know I'll never have another boring wasted day. I love the company I keep and we are steadily and constantly looking for ways to build each other up.
It was no accident that I never got a return phone call from those jobs I applied for but really didn't want. It's no accident that the low paying position I thought I had to have right out of college didn't work for me because my application got lost in the pile! It's  OK and I thank God I didn't let my journey end at a place where I was miserable and had no options other than to go off on somebody and become a danger to myself and others. My life is on track no matter what my current situation may be. It ain't over!!!!! My job is to keep on living, loving, and smiling like the Sun is shining on my side of the street!  I got this:-)

If you are reading this.....I said a prayer for you....and I want you to love Better, Brighter, and Blessed!  It's a God-given right!

With Love,
Chowan Moore Aforo

Friendship

We have laughed, cried, suffered, and enjoyed good food- TOGETHER! It's difficult to imagine a time when I didn't have my best friend around or just a phone call away to listen to me vent or share my most embarrassing moments. I only remember us having one disagreement once and that was only because she didn't want me wasting my life away with a man who was about ten years older than me. The awkward moment only lasted a few minutes...LOL.

I said all that to say that as I embark on a new journey I am very happy to know that my best friend has done all that she can to be there for me and I want her to know that she is appreciated and truly loved by me.

In addition to my best friend being there, there are numerous other friends who have my back and who have shown me that I will always have their love, support, and their shoulder to cry on when I need to throw a pity party (one hour maximum time limit). I appreciate the positive energy I get from friends. At times when I couldn't reach my family members by phone or face to face I always had a friend that was there for me.

I am thankful for my friends in Atlanta, Tallahassee, Virginia, and all points in between because they have shaped my life and can bear witness to my testimony. There have been times when I don't know what I would have done without a friend to change my mind or be the voice of reason when I wanted to do some things I might have regretted.

Friendship has power beyond belief....and I believe that everyone should have at least one true friend. Friends lift each other up when they are down. Friends understand. Friends don't judge. Friends tell the truth-even when it hurts like hell! Friends don't let friends walk around with boogers in their nose...LOL!

To all my TRUE friends....I owe you one! Thank you for listening and encouraging and respecting me.

I encourage everyone to live a life that is Better than yesterday, Brighter than your darkest moment, and with a belief in your heart that convinces you that you are Blessed!

Chowan Moore Aforo
Connected By Ho

How are "YOU" doing today?

Good question.  I am not sure.  When was the last time you asked yourself this question.  If your like me it's been a minute.  Think about it even if we take a moment to out of our busy day to drum up the nerve to ask ourselves the question.  How many times do you think you have actually waited for your souls response?
Honestly, how many times in the course of a day do we ask this question of other people?  You ask your co-workers, family members, hell we even ask strangers if we make eye contact with them.  Granted when we ask this question most of the time it is because it has become a habit to ask it.  It's become a way of greeting people.  We will ask that question and keep walking in the direction that we need to go.  Not even stopping or looking back to see if that person was going to respond.  If they did want to respond we surely don't give them the chance too.  Lets just keep it real most of us are so caught up in our own struggles that we really don't care how "you" are doing.  You could be telling us that your mom died, your aunts in the hospital, and your dog has pnuemonia.  In that order. :)
As the saying goes most of us treat other people better than we treat ourselves.  Based upon that assessment, how do you think we treat ourselves?  We don't even give "us" a chance to respond to the question because we don't even take the time to ask it.  Everyday we need to check, we need to know how we feel and what we need.  Just ask, wait for the response, and respond accordingly.  Thats a surefire way to show yourself how much you love yourself.

What a difference a day makes!!

Ever since the day I decided to take my life back and live by my own rules it seems like the Universe is now in compliance with all of my personal requests. I also feel like my innermost thoughts are also being revealed and granted. It's very exciting to stop worrying and truly believe that all of my needs will be met. I have some very gracious friends that have jumped right in to help me as well as complete strangers that don't mind going "that extra mile".

I firmly believe that all the good deeds you do have a way of coming back to you tenfold. The day I left my old, boring, plain, abusive, stagnant life is the day I felt alive, revived, fresh, and free!

I thought I would be miserable and bitter and confused but I have opened my heart and mind to whatever is right, positive, and fulfilling to my soul. I now welcome new experiences and people into my world.

This is the one moment in my life where I can say "the grass is greener on the other side".

To my people...I say thank you...
to my Creator I say thank you...to the person who made me realize I deserved better.....THANK YOU!

I pray that everyone finds the courage to live Better, let their light shine a little Brighter, and know that they are truly Blessed.

Chowan Moore Aforo
Connected By Hope

Speak Your Peace

Dear Oppression:

This letter is to tell you that you can't hold me down any more! I will no longer be silenced, shushed, muted, or just not heard. I have had enough of being in the background. Life has to turn around and it begins with letting you go! I refuse to allow my life to be in your hands and under your control. Try holding yourself down and tell me how it feels!

I have too much to accomplish and there's no time for playing by someone else's rules. I offer no apologies to those who feel threatened by me stepping up and making bold moves and necessary steps to liberation and happiness. My only hope is that my sisters will do more of the same things I have done to achieve personal freedom, happiness, and satisfaction.

I love myself enough to make a move in the right direction!

Thanks for the wake up call!

Chowan Moore Aforo
Be Better, Brighter, and Blessed!
Stay Connected By Hope

Self Trust

I know we all struggle to understand and not take for granted a lot of past choices and decisions we have made.  Like taking a job we didn't want, staying in dead end relationships, or to have or not have children.  In our heart of hearts we know we mean well and only want the best for ourselves but do to poor decision making in the past we have lost our self trust.  Ultimately you are the gate keeper to your own soul.  Who is the best knower of yourself if not You!  You know whats best for you but some where along the way we have lost that ideal.  Life has it's way of making us turn against the only person for which we live.

Have you ever had a decision to make and your heart told you to do it but your mind advises you to look at all the other variables involved, you have children, you can't leave your family behind, you don't have enough_____ to do that (you fill in the blank).  What happens at this point when your heart and mind don't agree.  Both are absolutely correct with their messages.  Your heart deals with the emotional aspect of things but your mind is the rational side.  Are they really not agreeing or are they giving you the opportunity to look at your decisions with a full 360 view.  So normally what happens at this cross roads, we end up talking ourselves out of what could potentially be our blessing.  What message do we send to ourselves when this happens?  Ponder this thought for a moment or two.
We tell the only person who loves us that we don't trust the decision that we have made for us.

At times when we don't trust our own judgement we could pray if that helps. We can tap into our internal GPS and take some time to examine what we feel when we are faced with a decision making opportunity. We have to oftentimes be hurting enough or broke enough or fed up enough to make a decision. We have to make sure our common sense is not stifled or discredited when we are making decisions that could impact our lives and the lives of our loved ones.

I think we should trust ourselves enough to say "I will not let ME down. Also, if we do make a decision that turns out to not be the right one, we have to dust ourselves off and keep trying until we get it right. We have to build trust with ourselves just like we build trust with others-it doesn't happen overnight. Every experience has to be a learning experience and you must forbid yourself to make the same mistake twice. You have to believe in yourself and become your biggest fan and supporter. The world will do its part to bring us down so we have to be mindful of our thoughts and actions so they constantly coincide positively and productively. We must keep ourselves uplifted and spiritually fed.

Self trust takes practice and discipline to be fine tuned.

Challenge for the Day!  Take a 5 to 10 minute time out to just check in with yourself.  Ask yourself how you feel?  And wait for a reply.  Listen! and Act accordingly!

Chicken Fried Rice

1 lb. cooked cold brown or white rice
Kikkoman Teriyaki Sauce
1lb. cooked meat (optional)
1 medium onion
1 bag/can (drained) mixed veggies
3 tsp cooking oil

Dice onions and fry in oil until almost cooked. Add rice and break rice apart while cooking. Next, pour half of the teriyaki sauce onto the rice and coat all the rice with the sauce. Cook mixed veggies if necessary or drain if needed. Add mixed veggies and chicken then mix evenly. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Personal Growth!

Personal growth involves permanently changing your reaction to people and situations. You will know you have "grown" when you are able to reflect on your own progress and the things that used to get to you no longer have the same "sting". You have to know yourself and know what you will and will not tolerate to grow personally. It is a good idea to take mental notes of your progress and please believe it takes time. It really helps to be aware of when and how often you have to stop yourself and avoid people and situations that will cause you to become irate and "lose it".

I used to dread going certain places and encountering certain people for fear of myself and my response to the stress they would inevitably cause me. I often held in my thoughts and comments because I did not want to say the wrong thing or insult someone even though they had no mercy on me or my feelings. I honestly feel that everyone has a breaking point and I hope that we never get pushed to that point in any circumstance. But what can you do when someone constantly insults you and your way of life because it is different from your own? What if this happens over the course of ten or more years? At some point, you have to stand up for yourself and set the record straight.....right? What sense does it make to harbor all of these thoughts accompanied by anger and frustration and resentment and disgust when the only person that knows you are fuming on the inside is you? It can cause physical illness and mental instability so a change has to take place. You
should never allow anyone to knock you off track and you should never lose sleep over someone else's actions because the person that caused you so much internal grief sleeps good every night and they often have no clue that you are offended.

I recommend voicing your opinion the best way you know how. This is not a green light to be violent or hurtful but it is the perfect opportunity to get some things off of your chest. The next time someone does or says something you don't like it would be wise to inform them immediately and remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible. I think it is best to attack the problem at its source to stop it from re-occurring.

Only you know where you have to start, and only you will know when you have arrived. My hope is that for each step on your journey you will become Better, Brighter, and Blessed!

We are all Connected By Hope- so stay connected!
Chowan Moore Aforo

Forgive but not Forget

When most of us think about the word forgiveness subconsciously we automatically think that if we forgive someone for something we forget what they did all together, but that is not what forgiveness means at all.  Think about it, it is almost impossible to forget anything.  Some of us can look at a physical scar on our bodies and remember where we were when it happened, what our actions were after it happened and who we were with when it happened.  Hell some of can probably remember what we were wearing when it happened.  Now like I said it is almost impossible to forget anything especially something painful.  Now there are some exceptions like for insistence, if you involved in some type of traumedic situation that caused you to lose part or all of your memory.  So unless you have a medical condition you are pretty much screwed.

As a woman I sometimes feel that I was built to experience pain and started to develop my forgiveness methods in my early teens.  Not only do we start as women to develop them earlier we are groomed to be prepared for heart break we are taught by our mothers, aunts, sisters, godmothers, etc.  It must be part of our DNA.  How many times have you seen or heard a woman get her heartbroken? If you are a woman how many times have you had your heart broken into 20 million pieces?  What did you do after that situation?  Most of us start our therapy sessions whether its retail therapy, rebound therapy, alcohol or party therapy, or just plain old solitary therapy.  Once the therapeutic phase has past we look at the situation for how it was, do some self analyzing and come up with a plan on how we are not going to let that situation happen to us again.  But don't let it be a day when we are alone at home cleaning the house and our song comes on whether it be Sweet Lady by Tyrece, Let's get it on by Marvin Gaye or some other R&B crooner: like the flip of a switch we remember everything that was done to us again and relive the pain.

So let me share with you my definition of the word forgiveness: "acknowledging past transgressions and mistakes made by you to yourself, others to you, etc.  Understanding the circumstances surrounding the incident(s), looking beyond their judgments and the why behind it and coming up with healthy coping strategies to grow from the situations so that you will not be continuously victimized by it or them."  Just like all coping strategies it is up to you to come up with a personal method that you will use to get you through and help you move forward beyond this point.  Now just because you use it once doesn't mean that you won't think about the same incident whether it be today...tomorrow or even 5 years from now.  You just have to revisit your forgiveness strategy/method regularly and revamp it depending on the situation.

Clap for yourself!

As a new week is upon us I have decided to begin this week with a discussion about self esteem. Having high self esteem gets me labeled as a bitch. Low self esteem.....well.....that just feels awful. I've been there and done all that. Some people have shared that they feel good about themselves when they accomplish difficult tasks or make a major move like graduating from college or getting a new job. Personally, my self esteem is always boosted after prayer, putting on the right clothing, and some baaaaad (meaning good) earrings, and saying to myself "Girl, you look good".

I feel that if we don't uplift ourselves, nobody else will! It is important to love yourself, forgive yourself, and encourage yourself. The same way you would give someone else a compliment-start with You! As a social worker, writer, volunteer, mother, etc. I lose sight of what makes me "ME". It is important to look good, feel good, and do good.

Ladies, clap for yourself, celebrate any and all accomplishments, and do something for yourself this week.

Until next time, #stayconnected# We are all Connected by Hope!
Chowan Moore Aforo

The Journey Ahead

"I walked all these miles, I learned all these lessons.  It's as if my new life was the gift I got at the end of a long struggle." Cheryl Strayed

Throughout life we experience trials and tribulations; lessons and blessings.  The road maybe long and tough but the reward at the end is living a life you truly love.  With each test we experience we are accepting God's challenge to determine how strong we are and how far we have come.  If we hold fast to the road ahead knowing in our heart that this journey will lead us to where we were meant to be it will all be worth the extra stress.

Today's Challenge:  Take sometime today and reflect on an obstacle recently that you had to overcome.      While meditating on that obstacle don't focus too much on the problem, what was the blessing that you received from it.   Bask in the glow of that moment of victory.

Inspiration

Thank you all for following me.

I have struggled all my life with being disciplined.  Once I start something I am good for a minute and then I tend to fizzle out.  I haven't been successful at journaling so keeping up with this blog has as you can see been a task.  I am constantly searching for inspiration and when I blog I want to blog paragraphs and have long well thought out stories to tell.

Recently I have been researching how to build my brand with blogging and have learned that I don't need to overload you with information, I can also just provide quick hits that can still inspire.  I have been finding inspiration in quotes that I have been reading.  They definitly keep me motivated and I want to start sharing them with everyone.

As you all know I live on Oprah.com and read a quote from the Rev. Dr. Iyanla Vanzant this quote pretty much sums up what I want to do with my life and with this blog she states that "when you stand and share your story in an empowering way, your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else."  We all have stories to tell and most of the time we are affaid or we don't know how or what medium to use to share them.  I want you to share your story with the world.  Find your medium whether it be as grand as being on stage infront of millions to just sharing with your friends and family.  Tell your story.

Remember sharing is caring. LOL!

Check your intent

This Blog has truly been my life in 3D.  The crazy thing is that even my silence has been a testimony.  I truly want everything I blog to be heart felt and real.  As my momma always said if you don't have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all.  In my self reflecting I have turned to Oprah to help me through the tough times.  You can always count on Oprah and her team to deliver.  I read an article in the May edition of O where Martha Beck called Interior Motives.  In it she discussed how as she put it "Theres the reason you tell yourself you do things, and then there's the true reason you do them."  That statement alone was so profound to me.

On a day to day basis we do things that we really don't want to do but feel we have to in order to get something in return.  Not knowing that in those tiny gestures we are not being honest with the one person whose life depends on our honesty..... OURSELVES!!!!  We hear stories everyday about people donating to what we feel is a worthy cause in order to get something in return whether it be publicity or maybe even a tax break.  Ok let me bring it back to something we all can relate to how many times have you been on a job interview and when asked do you see your self here long term you say yes this is the position I have been waiting for, in the back of your mind you know this is not the place for you.  Maybe its not a job it could be your relationship.  I know yall feel me on this, we all need to do an agenda cleanse, we need to get clear about our "interior" (as Mrs. Beck puts it) motives.  All of us can agree that in hiding our true intent we block our own blessing.  Essentially we are lying to ourselves.  This doesn't mean we go out and tell our bosses or husbands/wives etc to go to hell.  But we do need to take the proper steps to being real with ourselves.  This will probably lead to us telling those people to kick rocks but its a gradual process.  Please take some time to review the article Mrs. Beck gives detailed steps to cleaning out our "interiors".  Please follow me on the journey to self discovery and living a more pashunate life.  I have posted the link to the article http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-to-Stay-True-to-Yourself-Live-an-Honest-Life

Relax, Relate, Release

Sounds good.  I have come to full embrace the mind and body connection.  For the past month and a half I have truly been going through it and my body has been showing my stress.

This blog has been a true showcase of my growth and development.  So I have to keep it real.  I have been stressed all the way around.  The crazy thing about the body is that everything starts out mentally.  Although it seems as though my body started to fail instantaneously when I look back on things I can see how I was taking baby steps to my physical and mental breakdown.

Stress truly is one of the hardest things to overcome.  I have attached a list of ways to de-stress your body and mind.   Hopefully they will help you all.  I am truly taking things one second, minute, hour, day, week and month a time.  I will soon be writing about my mini storms.

http://health.howstuffworks.com/wellness/stress-management/how-to-de-stress-your-life.htm

Your Story

I was recently introduced to Tony Robbins via Oprah.  Gotta love her.  In her piece on Mr. Robbins who is a world famous motivational speaker/life coach he discuss how everyones life revolves around their story.  If that doesn't start your mind to racing.  The part that really moved me was when he discussed how the only thing keeping us from getting what we want is the story we keep telling ourselves about why it can't happen......  I love this. 

My unhumble beginings started just like most of you.  It seemed began with pain, poverty, misfortune, and lack of added with molestation, insecutity and no father in the household.  The most moving part of this is realizing things don't have to end the way the story usually pans out to be.    Although those misfortuntes seemed to be my beginings that is not by far how I want my story to end or my life to define me as.  Ok let me repeat that, that is not the way I want my story to end.  Not how everyone else wants or thinks it should go but me.  I am the author of this book.  This is my story.  I am not saying their isn't a supporting cast but the main character is you.  The crazy this is that my bestie and I discuss this and many other topic as it relates to us all the time.  I always say that because I grew up in a negative environment that it is hard to visualize myself in a different situation or my life ending up any different than others that were in my situation. I like everyone else in the free world want bigger and better for myself but because of my upbringing I place limits on myself and my abilities.

We all know and can't deny the power of our thoughts.  You know that you are the author of your own destiny.  We have to now take control and write out how we want our story to play itself out.

Growth and Development

Most of the challenges we face/trials we go through are set in place to test us.  Look at it like this you are part of and always have been the universal classroom.  So each obstacle that we come in contact with is just a test of what we have learned about ourselves and the world around us. Each test serves as our check and balance system to judge our growth and development.  Showing us how far we have come and/or how much further we have to go.  So when we are in the midst of sorrow, stressed out or uncertain this serves as part of your test.  Now is your time to showcase your life lessons, it's now your time to shine or it could be your time to regroup and come up with a better strategy.

It is during these times we start to second guess ourselves and lose faith.  We start to allow doubt to creep in.  We all know what happens when doubt gets just a tiny crack to slide into, it takes over and all the positive thoughts, prayers, confidence, and peace that we have built up within, starts to come crashing down.  It is at these moments that we need to stand firmly in our truth. What we know for sure..... We have to show the world and more importantly ourselves how far we have come.  Know in your heart that this challenge just like the ones before are to our benefit.  We need these.

How can we come to enjoy a beautiful sunny day if we cannot accept and love just as well a thunderstorm?  How can we enjoy pure unadulterated joy if we don't appreciate sadness?  In the words of Iyanla Vanzant "If you don't have a test than you wont have a testimony".

Challenge:  Stand in your truth.  We know challenges but we have to look at them as a test of our knowledge.

Is this Love

Is this love is this love that I am feeling.....I was recently having a discussion about what I am looking for in my current relationship. I have been told on several occasion how my idea of romance in a relationship is fairytale it doesn't exist in the real world. Since this wasn't my first time hearing this I brushed it off and agreed that I may have unrealistic expectations of how things should be. But for some reason this time something in me would not allow my feelings to rest.  I mentally had to revisit why I had those thoughts or ideals about romance or love in the first place.  Hence my journey has begun.

I started off by taking a look at the people around me and questioning them about their relationships past and present.  I wanted to find out where their ideals of relationship specificially male and female roles and how romance itself is manifested within them.  Another factor I looked at was family history.  If their parents were still together if so how was it shown with them.  If there parents were not together I wanted to know whether or not they had any positive relationship around them that they learned from.  I know you cannot base you relationship on someone else's, I wanted to see if I was the only one with these "unrealistic" fantasy ideas.

My ah ha moment came when I was discussing this with my bestie CMooreAngelz (please follow her to).....
As children we both grew up in a single parent households. And for me even when my mom was dating someone I never saw her with them. Because of her fear that they would hurt us she kept that part of her life secret.  And when it came to the other women in my family. Their relationships with men were violent and unproductive. It wasn't until I was about 9 or 10 when my mom met my stepdad. Thats when I finally saw how male and females interact with each other. Even my uncle was a "player".  So I turned to televison, movies and sometimes music to gain knowledge on relationships and romance.  Looking back on things although my mom tried to keep men away from us for fear they would hurt us. I I know now that in doing so we became relationship handicapped.  Think about this for a minute.  We became relationship handicapped.  This can create a multitude of problems which we discuss in future blogs.

No challege just think and absorb this blog!