Flaws and All

Quote:  "My imperfect stuff makes me Unique."  –Chowan Moore Aforo

Song: Ledisi Pieces of Me

God, grant me the serenity to

Accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference

In life we all strive to be perfect. Whenever we notice a flaw or area of lack in our lives we focus all of our energy on correcting it. We don’t want to appear as though we have shortcomings. Sometimes we have said or know people who say, “I’m so absent-minded” or “I am horrible with organizing things”. Others may say, “My stomach and butt are just too big.” When we do this, we are needlessly exposing our infirmities and/or weaknesses. Instead, we need to keep those thoughts a secret and only broadcast our strengths, triumphs, and favorable attributes that we won’t mind hearing later in life when people inevitably talk about us. In other words, we should try not to bring so much attention to the negative but put a spotlight on the positive. We need to embrace our flaws because they are a part of us and they make us who we are. Take time today to write down the areas of your life you consider to be flawed. Leave space after each flaw you identify. On the line immediately following the flaw forgive yourself for feeling that way. Next, write down what you have learned about yourself as a result of having such a ‘flaw’. In conclusion, tell Yourself how much you love YOU—despite the flaws and all.  You know it’s playlist time.  So what soundtrack do you play that helps you understand why you are imperfectly perfect.  Why did you choose these songs?  My ideal playlist would include:

1. Beautiful- Musiq:  The song just makes me feel beautiful.  Could you imagine how you would feel if he were to serenade you with this song.  Look at the word play…”Girl don’t you know your so beautiful I want to give all my love to you girl.  Not just tonight but the rest of your life I want to be always here by your side….” This takes my breath away every time.
2. Flaws and All- Beyoncé:  Well this one is pretty self explanatory
3. I Feel Beautiful- Fantasia:  Everyone has had instances where someone or something has made you feel unattractive or small.  In this song she reclaims her power and beauty.   And if the words don’t get you the ending will have you almost to tears.  She belts out with very little music “nothing you can say to me ‘cause I feel beautiful!”  Hell yeah Fannie I do too.
4. Bravo- Ledisi:  As you can tell Ledisi is my go to girl.  She gives you permission to “Clap for yourself” and why shouldn’t we.  Do this daily.
5. Rocking that Thang- The-Dream:  Ok this one was for fun!  Seriously, when this song comes on you can’t help but dance and sing.  No matter what you got going on, you are compelled to move.

Live Life to the Fullest

Canon T3i 18.0MP Digital SLR Camera with 18-55mm IS Lens - Digital (Google Affiliate Ad)
After Passious completed #8 on her bucket list today I must say I personally felt a bit left out and behind the times. There's no one to blame but myself for putting things off so much and considering  everything else to be of the utmost importance. The more I listened to her discuss her experience I started to wonder why I only had three items on my own list. I felt like people would judge me or make jokes or silly comments based on what I had on my list. I can't worry about what other people will or won't say, and besides- my list ain't so bad!

Starting where I left off:

4. Record a song with Nas and Damien Marley
5. Write speeches for President Obama and the First Lady
6. Smack the hell out of Flavor Flav
7. Run naked on the beach....at night
8. Wear a new outfit every day for six months
9. Sing a solo in my church choir- Fairfield Baptist Church in Auburn, GA
10. Literally 'give back' to the people who made a difference in my life.
11. Visit my adoptive parents Dr. Yaw Owusu and Ms. Abeena Owusu in Accra, Ghana
12. Create and maintain a social services  program for women and children in Freetown Sierra Leone
13. Create a scholarship fund for minority women to attend school at Florida State University which would include housing, living expenses, and transportation accommodations
14. Have my own talk show
15. Spend a month in Jamaica overdosing on rest and relaxation
16. Be a guest DJ on V-103 in Atlanta
17. Be a recipient of an award on BET's Black Girls Rock!
18. Create my own clothing line
19. Be a news reporter on CNN (like Soledad O'Brien)
20. Take a tour of Africa
21. Go backpacking through Europe
22. Be a vegetarian
23. Confront the people who have hurt me and let them know that I forgive them.
24. Go to a Broadway show
25. Act in a Wayans brothers production...sitcom...movie....
26. Perform a duet with Lenny Kravitz
27. Create a children's book series
28. Produce children's cartoons for Nickelodeon and Disney
29. Lock my hair and dye it any color other than black
30. Marry my Soulmate

Live Life Pashunately

Lately Chowan and I have really been trying to discover what it means to really "live" your life.  You only get one shot at this so why not "live" a little.  Make it count!  If you had nothing holding you back I mean nothing no financial stress, mental stress, children, etc.  What would you do?  So now that you are clear on what you want to do, how do we make it happen?  Like everything we encounter it all starts with a thought, a clear concise vision or image of what you want to accomplish.  The universe has a way of clearing your path and making it happen on your behave.  So we strongly encourage everyone to start their bucket list asap.  Speaking of bucket list I actually have complete #8.  I can mark Pole Dancing Class off my list of to do's.  Follow us on Instagram to help track our progress.

Getting to the Next Level

We often discuss the feeling of stagnation as we go about our daily and weekly routines. It seems like it's so automatic to work, make decent money, pay our bills,  and realize that we still haven't carved out any time to live on purpose. Those bucket list items aren't going to get done by themselves. Our children have missed out on several 'golden opportunities' because life and financial obligations have gotten in the way. The reoccurring feelings seem to stem around the fact that some things have got to change. The million dollar question is now "How can we get the most out of life on our terms?" This means.....how can we create our own opportunities without standing in line waiting on someone to give us something? This reminds me of a conversation I had with someone a while back. With the unemployment rate being the way it is....you have hundreds of people standing in line for the same job at times and there may only be 10 openings. It seems like a hopeless feat and it can be very discouraging if you had high hopes of being chosen only to find out the employer hired from within the company and didn't bother to inform the people who waited for hours in the cold to submit their resume. Ultimately Passious and I also discussed how we have to orchestrate and formulate our own opportunities and our own Plan B just in case this job situation doesn't work itself out. My first reaction was...."It's hard out here!" At that very moment she had to redirect my thought pattern. She said if we keep saying it's hard, we are paving the way and setting up our future for more hard times. We have to speak life and victory into our situations and make it easy to have the income we want. We have to know, trust, and believe that it's easy to do what we've  always dreamed of doing. It's not too much to ask to be able to make the money we desire while living a fulfilled life and not having to always let the daycare provider and school teachers be the only ones enjoying the children. There is a way to have all of our needs met and still be happy-- somebody's doing it, and that somebody can and will be you and me.

The first step is in changing or shifting your point of view and your outlook on the situation you are currently in. Even though things aren't currently the way we may want them to be there is no harm in visualization. Visualize yourself in the moment in which you have achieved your wildest and most amazing dream! I love to do that several times a day. Especially when I have allowed thoughts of doubt, lack, and despair to creep into my mind and marinate. The more I am in constant pursuit of the way I want things to be, the more I feel empowered and reassured that my life is not over or doomed because I'm unemployed or soon to be divorced with children. I open myself to the infinite possibilities and know that there is Hope! We have the power to turn our situations around but we have to believe in ourselves a lot more and stop doubting our own capabilities to be GREAT!

This was based on a lengthy conversation between Passious and I and we always have moments where we converse to vent but by the end of our talk we offer solutions to keep one another uplifted. All is not lost! We still have Hope....nobody can take that away! The economy may be a certain way at the moment but who cares! There's a certain level of personal responsibility that we all must take to create the life we want to lead. Meditate, Pray, Focus, Soul Search, and don't let anyone put a stop to your dreams and your Potential. We believe that only you can can know what's best for you and your situation so You have to come up with a master plan for your life to make it easier.

We welcome feedback because we don't have all of the answers. We both know that you have to start somewhere and it has to start in the mind.

My sincere goal is to help myself and others live a life that is Better, Brighter, and Blessed!

Chowan Moore Aforo
Connected By Hope

A Letter to the Broken Hearted

When was the last time you did a price check?

I mean, when was the last time that you really took into consideration your worth, especially when it comes to the ones you love. What type of value do others place on the love that you freely give? 

Are you someone who stays in a relationship nursing a broken heart because the one you love also shares their love with another? Or are you waiting for the day that they finally realize you’re worth more than a few phone calls or a couple of stolen nights? 

Excuse the rant. I’m just fresh off the heels of discovering my own worth. So many people, especially women are afraid of being single that they end up accepting whatever form of love people are willing to give. The sad part is, some men are aware of this fact and tend to come with the attitude that if you don’t take their love the way they give it then someone else will. These are men who don’t see you’re full worth because the market of love has become saturated with broken-hearted people.

 Here’s how you can tell if you’re broken. 

• Do you always pick the wrong type of man?

• If you didn't support him with your money the way that you do, would he still hang around?

• Are you willing to share him with another? With his wife?

• Do you already know that he isn't fully invested in you, but still wait it out until the day that he is?

• Is the strongest card you have in your relational deck the sex card?

• Do you have the type of ‘arrangement’ that allows you to have casual sex with old boyfriends, husbands, or friends with assumedly no strings attached?

Please don’t lie to yourself. YOU ARE BROKEN.

Take yourself off of the market and give yourself time to become whole again before you end up breaking someone else. Take this time to invest in yourself so that the next time you offer your love you’ll know its full value before you give someone else the option to decide it for you. Until you know that you don’t have to put a price on something that was meant to be free. Until the next time a man or a woman offers their version of a broken love, and then has the audacity to put a hidden clause in the fine print telling you that you can take it or leave it, you are strong enough to say to them, ‘Thank you but no thank you. I require more of an investment. Get back to me when you can make the down payment.’

One of my favorite movies is The Joy Luck Club. In this movie there is a line when a mother asks her daughter who is fighting to hold together a marriage to a man who has declared she was no longer of value to him. “What you worth?” And it wasn’t until she was able to let go that not only did she discover her value but others were able to as well. The hardest part was letting go. Today I am asking you. What are you worth? Think about this before you let someone else make the decision for you. 

-LaToya Knight     

Letter to My Younger Self

The song that perfectly fits my childhood is Runaway Love by Ludacris and Mary J. Blige. Every time I listen to the song or watch the video I picture myself. I owe it to my daughter to create a totally different life!

Dear Chowan:

I wish I had the strength, courage, and wisdom to turn this life around. I probably would have found a way to make a smile out of all those frowns. I wish I could have found a way to make sense of so much hurt and right all the wrongs you faced each and every day. I still remember how you used to lock yourself in the closet and hide under piles of clothes just so 'they' couldn't find you and couldn't hurt you anymore. Your love of literature and fictional characters has never changed. Your ability to get submerged in a good book was a way to soothe your pain. Through it all you kept smiling and never lost sight of your goal.....the goal to make it out your personal hell and never go back no mo'. You never stopped dreaming even though your spirit was crushed. You never stopped believing even when they said your best wasn't good enough. You proved countless people wrong when they said the apple didn't fall far from the tree. You kept hope alive and you blossomed into ME! I want to thank you for your perseverance and your belief in a brighter day. I admire your imagination and your ability to walk away. I can't help but acknowledge your ability to forgive and turn the other cheek....your grace and charisma, and your ability to stand up and speak. There were times when you smiled while crying inside. You held it together nicely while battling depression because of your parents deaths. There were days when nothing ever went your way but you never gave up. You held on and you stayed strong. You held on to the assurance that the world was bigger than your block, your city, and even your state. You always believed in love and the idea that failure was not a part of your inevitable fate. You always said 'failure is not an option' and you challenged yourself for ways to succeed. You have truly endured and paved the way for me to be ME.

I'm able to say that I'm still standing because I have a testimony that is still in progress. I had a rocky, tearful, painful, and interrupted childhood but I'm creating the happy ending that I would love to read about one day.

As with every post, I wish that everyone is Better, Brighter, and Blessed. Today I encourage everyone to write a letter to their younger self....soul search....dig deep.....discover what your dreams used to be before life took its toll....take back what the Devil stole!

Chowan Moore Aforo

Bucket List Continued.....

"It's not about living longer--it's about living better." -Dr. Oz

9. Sail along the Nile River and see the pyramids in Africa.
10. See an active volcano in Hawaii.
11. See Prince perform in concert.  If he sings "Adore" which is my all time favorite song I will be all to pieces.
12.  Learn to Ballroom Dance.
13.  Take my children on an Amtrak vacation.
14.  Go to Disneyworld.
15.  Go to the Essence Music Festival in New Orleans.
16.  Meet Susan Taylor.
17. Write and self-publish a book.
18.  Meet Nas.
19.  Go to a trip through California (visit Malibu, Los Angelos, San Diego)
20.  Go to Brazil.

Of course there is more to come.  I started off with a list of 20 and I am not at about 52.

Dealing With Grief

We recently attended the homegoing service for a parent of one of our dear friends. In a joking but truthful way we said to her..."welcome to the club" because we have both experienced the loss of a parent...(both parents in my case). We thought this would be a good time to examine the grieving process. We both acknowledge the fact that we do not have all the answers and we welcome feedback on this one. We feel like we have not allowed ourselves time to grieve. This is a true statement when I acknowledge the fact that I sometimes think about my parents and can't hold back the tears. I get angry about my relationships with men and make a direct correlation to the abandonment I felt when my father died. I encourage and console myself by saying that 'death is a part of life' but it's a wound that never quite heals. I have tried counseling but I never felt like the counselor could feel my pain. At age 9,  my father died and at 13 I was devastated by the death of my mother. Being a young child and coming to the realization that you are alone in this world is one of the worst feelings in the world and I wouldn't wish that type of suffering on my worst enemy.

Perhaps we didn't get our moments to grieve because we were being strong for others. Passious is the oldest of her 7 siblings and I felt like I had to appear strong for my grandmother who lost a child when my mom passed away. We both know that self destructive behaviors don't work. Drugs and alcohol are temporary fixes that soon fade and reality has a way of creeping back into the equation. One thing that has worked for me is to strengthen my mind and body. I turned to music to soothe me and take away the pain I felt. The song I really love is one of the songs the choir sang at the funeral we attended. It's entitled 'Order My Steps'. I want to live a life that is pleasing to my Creator. We all may give God a different name but I believe God does exist.

Primarily I had to accept the fact that my parents were deceased....not on vacation or just not answering my calls, but gone....to the point of no return. Next, I had to stop looking for someone or something to blame for the loss I encountered. It was nobody's fault, not even God's fault....death is a natural process that nobody has returned from to explain or discredit. I then had to decide if I wanted to keep living and make myself get over it or just end it all. The day I left the hospital after seeing my mother's lifeless body and touching her face which was still warm to the touch....I had the desire to run out in front of a gigantic truck but I quickly figured out that would be an awful way to go and I need to be as fine as I am now in the afterlife so I decided to write daily, listen to uplifting music, and try to figure things out along the way. I still have moments of depression but I try not to let that overpower my quest for a better way to live and get over the loss of loved ones.

To anyone who has lost someone, I encourage you to consider:

-Laughter is the best medicine

-Embrace the fact that you had so many great years with your parents and/or loved ones

-Let go of regrets and be glad the person is not alive and suffering daily

-Put together an awesome soundtrack and sing, cry, yell, throw something or do whatever works for you to release the pain you feel!

-Remember the good times and all the laughs you shared.

-Rely on family and friends to get you through.

-PRAY-Ask for the strength you need to get through the rough points that will undoubtedly arise.

My hope is that anyone and everyone reading this blog will be Better, Brighter, and Blessed!


Chowan Moore Aforo
Connected By Hope