Forgive but not Forget

When most of us think about the word forgiveness subconsciously we automatically think that if we forgive someone for something we forget what they did all together, but that is not what forgiveness means at all.  Think about it, it is almost impossible to forget anything.  Some of us can look at a physical scar on our bodies and remember where we were when it happened, what our actions were after it happened and who we were with when it happened.  Hell some of can probably remember what we were wearing when it happened.  Now like I said it is almost impossible to forget anything especially something painful.  Now there are some exceptions like for insistence, if you involved in some type of traumedic situation that caused you to lose part or all of your memory.  So unless you have a medical condition you are pretty much screwed.

As a woman I sometimes feel that I was built to experience pain and started to develop my forgiveness methods in my early teens.  Not only do we start as women to develop them earlier we are groomed to be prepared for heart break we are taught by our mothers, aunts, sisters, godmothers, etc.  It must be part of our DNA.  How many times have you seen or heard a woman get her heartbroken? If you are a woman how many times have you had your heart broken into 20 million pieces?  What did you do after that situation?  Most of us start our therapy sessions whether its retail therapy, rebound therapy, alcohol or party therapy, or just plain old solitary therapy.  Once the therapeutic phase has past we look at the situation for how it was, do some self analyzing and come up with a plan on how we are not going to let that situation happen to us again.  But don't let it be a day when we are alone at home cleaning the house and our song comes on whether it be Sweet Lady by Tyrece, Let's get it on by Marvin Gaye or some other R&B crooner: like the flip of a switch we remember everything that was done to us again and relive the pain.

So let me share with you my definition of the word forgiveness: "acknowledging past transgressions and mistakes made by you to yourself, others to you, etc.  Understanding the circumstances surrounding the incident(s), looking beyond their judgments and the why behind it and coming up with healthy coping strategies to grow from the situations so that you will not be continuously victimized by it or them."  Just like all coping strategies it is up to you to come up with a personal method that you will use to get you through and help you move forward beyond this point.  Now just because you use it once doesn't mean that you won't think about the same incident whether it be today...tomorrow or even 5 years from now.  You just have to revisit your forgiveness strategy/method regularly and revamp it depending on the situation.